I'm The Only One

@Flounder

i-am-not-a-guppy95:

t-i-doublegah-err:

i-am-not-a-guppy95:

Flounder wrapped his arms around Tigger, still sobbing. “No I’m not.” he cried, burying his face in the other boy’s chest. “I’m not fine. I’m so screwed up. And you know how I deal with that? I drink, I smoke, I cut, and I fuck.” He knew what he said was terrible, but he knew it was true. He had no doubt Tigger would leave him, but he knew that was for the best. He didn’t deserve happiness or love.

Tigger sighed upon hearing what he did. “I don’t know what to do.” He mumbled, and kissed the boy’s hair softly. He shook his head, looking ahead. “I want to be with you, Flounder. So much. But you don’t want to be hurt, I get it. I don’t want to hurt you.” He had no idea what to do. He figured he’d do whatever Flounder wanted to do. He was very flexible, but he was also clueless.

Flounder shuddered as another sob wracked his body before pulling back. He slammed his walls back up as he stepped back to look at Tigger. “I’m sorry,” he said brokenly. “I just… I can’t give you my heart. Not yet.” He looked down, not wanting to see Tigger’s reaction. “I won’t leave you, I’ll leave that decision up to you. But… But all I can offer you right now is my friendship, what love I’m able to give, and whatever you want from me. My money, my drugs, my body. Take them, they’re yours if you want.”

Tigger nodded, and bit his lip. He stifled a smile. He knew that had rushed it too far, but what Flounder said made him happy. He nodded in agreement. “That’s all I could ask for. I would like that very much.” He gave him a small hug. “I think that’d be the best thing. I won’t leave you, as long as you’ll stay my friend. That’s all I want right now, it’s only right.” He leaned in a bit. “But one last thing,” he leaned in to kiss him one last time, but decided against it, and kissed him gently on the forehead instead.

@Flounder

i-am-not-a-guppy95:

Flounder wrapped his arms around Tigger, still sobbing. “No I’m not.” he cried, burying his face in the other boy’s chest. “I’m not fine. I’m so screwed up. And you know how I deal with that? I drink, I smoke, I cut, and I fuck.” He knew what he said was terrible, but he knew it was true. He had no doubt Tigger would leave him, but he knew that was for the best. He didn’t deserve happiness or love.

Tigger sighed upon hearing what he did. “I don’t know what to do.” He mumbled, and kissed the boy’s hair softly. He shook his head, looking ahead. “I want to be with you, Flounder. So much. But you don’t want to be hurt, I get it. I don’t want to hurt you.” He had no idea what to do. He figured he’d do whatever Flounder wanted to do. He was very flexible, but he was also clueless.

(Source: t-i-doublegah-err)

@Flounder

i-am-not-a-guppy95:

t-i-doublegah-err:

i-am-not-a-guppy95:

Flounder frowned, looking at Tigger harshly. “Don’t fucking yell at me,” he snapped. “You’re the one who marched your pretty little ass over to my door so don’t you dare think you can get off on yelling at me!” He got up off the bed, marching over to where Tigger was standing, moving to pin him against the door. He moved his face so it was directly in front of Tigger’s. “I know I’ll get hurt. Love is fucking pain. Anyone who thinks differently deserves to be hurt. Deserves to be screwed over.”

“I wasn’t yelling at you, Flounder!” He threw his hands up in the air. “Don’t yell at me!” He felt his whole body stiffen as he pinned him against the door. “I’m sure it is, and that you have a hell of a lot more experience than me. And I’m sorry about that. I’ve never been in love before, so I don’t know. But I’m not trying to hurt you. If I do, you can dump me just like that.” He snaps his fingers, starting to feel the tension melt away a little bit, still being pinned against the wall. “You know what. If you know you’re going to get hurt, just dump me right now. Right here. I don’t care about my feelings. I don’t mind being hurt. I’m numb.” He said, lifting his hands up in surrender.

“That’s the fucking problem!” Flounder shouted, pounding his fist on the wall beside Tigger’s head. “I can’t! Because some part of me thinks we can make it. Some part of me wants this!” he shouted, tears prickling in his eyes. “And another part knows I’m not worth it. I’m a filthy manwhore, I don’t deserve someone so good as you. And all of me,” he said with a broken sob, collapsing against Tigger as the tears flowed from his eyes. “All of me is scared.” 

Tigger didn’t even flinch when the Flounder hit the wall. He nodded when he spoke, then frowned a bit when he saw the tears form in his eyes “You’re fine, Flounder.” he shook his head a bit, and held the sobbing boy in his arms. He rubbed his back as he felt the tears soak through his shirt. “I’m here. Shhh,” he whispered into his ear, soothingly.

@Flounder

i-am-not-a-guppy95:

Flounder frowned, looking at Tigger harshly. “Don’t fucking yell at me,” he snapped. “You’re the one who marched your pretty little ass over to my door so don’t you dare think you can get off on yelling at me!” He got up off the bed, marching over to where Tigger was standing, moving to pin him against the door. He moved his face so it was directly in front of Tigger’s. “I know I’ll get hurt. Love is fucking pain. Anyone who thinks differently deserves to be hurt. Deserves to be screwed over.”

“I wasn’t yelling at you, Flounder!” He threw his hands up in the air. “Don’t yell at me!” He felt his whole body stiffen as he pinned him against the door. “I’m sure it is, and that you have a hell of a lot more experience than me. And I’m sorry about that. I’ve never been in love before, so I don’t know. But I’m not trying to hurt you. If I do, you can dump me just like that.” He snaps his fingers, starting to feel the tension melt away a little bit, still being pinned against the wall. “You know what. If you know you’re going to get hurt, just dump me right now. Right here. I don’t care about my feelings. I don’t mind being hurt. I’m numb.” He said, lifting his hands up in surrender.

(Source: t-i-doublegah-err)

@Flounder

i-am-not-a-guppy95:

t-i-doublegah-err:

i-am-not-a-guppy95:

Flounder looked at Tigger, still confused. “I’m not good, silly!” he laughed. “I try not to love you, but it doesn’t work. I just do. It’s not a choice I make.” He wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but he did know that his bottle was empty and his joint was over. “Can you hand me another bottle, Tiggy wiggy?” he asked with wide eyes. He really wanted another bottle. He’d only stopped drinking for about ten minutes, but he was already starting to sober up. He didn’t want that. Then he’d be afraid again.

“But, if you don’t want to love me… that means that you shouldn’t be around me. Or I can make you fall out of love with me.” He shook his head. “I don’t like seeing you upset. I know you don’t like that you love me, and if you don’t like it, I don’t wanna keep you being upset,” he raised an eyebrow, trying to make sure if that all made sense. He got another bottle and handed it to him without thinking.

“But I don’t want to not love you,” Flounder said, crinkling his eyebrows as he took the bottle. “I want to love you.” he said as he unscrewed the cap. “But people like me shouldn’t be allowed to love.” He took a huge swig of his bottle before looking at Tigger again. “Love’s a scary thing and nothing good ever comes from it.” He said innocently. “It leads to hurt.”

Tigger was still trying to wrap his head around this. He wasn’t quite sure if he was saying how he was really feeling, because he was drunk off his ass. “But… God you’re confusing me. I don’t know how to please you! You love me, but you are scared that you’ll get hurt? Is that right?”

@Flounder

i-am-not-a-guppy95:

Flounder looked at Tigger, still confused. “I’m not good, silly!” he laughed. “I try not to love you, but it doesn’t work. I just do. It’s not a choice I make.” He wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but he did know that his bottle was empty and his joint was over. “Can you hand me another bottle, Tiggy wiggy?” he asked with wide eyes. He really wanted another bottle. He’d only stopped drinking for about ten minutes, but he was already starting to sober up. He didn’t want that. Then he’d be afraid again.

“But, if you don’t want to love me… that means that you shouldn’t be around me. Or I can make you fall out of love with me.” He shook his head. “I don’t like seeing you upset. I know you don’t like that you love me, and if you don’t like it, I don’t wanna keep you being upset,” he raised an eyebrow, trying to make sure if that all made sense. He got another bottle and handed it to him without thinking.

(Source: t-i-doublegah-err)

@Flounder

i-am-not-a-guppy95:

t-i-doublegah-err:

i-am-not-a-guppy95:

“Oh, no no no!” Flounder laughed, shaking his head at Tigger. “You came here! You talk!” he said goofily. Tigger had shown up at his door. He wasn’t about to make the first move now. It was a strategy he had learned a long time ago to handle confrontations. A part of him felt bad for using it against Tigger, but a larger part of him was screaming for self preservation.

Tigger rolled his eyes. “I don’t know what to say. Especially now.” He wrinkled his nose, trying to think. “But I guess I’ll just say what I did the other day,” He still meant it, but he wasn’t quite sure if Flounder understood. “Uhm, you said you didn’t want to fall in love with me, right? Well, then don’t let yourself fall in love with me any more.” He took a deep breath, and let it out. “I’ll help you. You don’t ever have to text me, or come to my dorm, , or even talk to me ever again. Whatever makes you feel better, and just forget. You don’t have to do anything that’s having to do with me ever again.” He said, gritting his teeth , and looking at his feet.

Flounder cocked his head to the side, looking at Tigger confusedly. “Why would I do that, silly goose?” he asked, giggling. “I love you!” He made a move to kiss Tigger, but stopped himself. He wasn’t supposed to do that. He didn’t know why he wasn’t, but he wasn’t. “Do you want me to forget about you?” he asked. He didn’t want that. He wanted to be the one to be there for Tigger, the one the younger boy loved. That couldn’t happen, but he couldn’t remember why. He just knew that something about it was stopping him.

Tigger shook his head, “B-but, you said before that you couldn’t love me. That you were not good, and that you can’t love.” He ran a hand through his hair, furrowing his brows. “I-I do want to love you, I don’t want to forget… but you said you were trying not to fall in love with me,” his head started to hurt now. “I just want what’s best for you. I don’t really matter. It’ll all blow over, and you’ll go on to college and forget, and all stay in high school, doing whatever. So, do what you want.” Tigger looked at him, not really sure what he was saying, or what the other boy wanted from him.

@Flounder

i-am-not-a-guppy95:

“Oh, no no no!” Flounder laughed, shaking his head at Tigger. “You came here! You talk!” he said goofily. Tigger had shown up at his door. He wasn’t about to make the first move now. It was a strategy he had learned a long time ago to handle confrontations. A part of him felt bad for using it against Tigger, but a larger part of him was screaming for self preservation.

Tigger rolled his eyes. “I don’t know what to say. Especially now.” He wrinkled his nose, trying to think. “But I guess I’ll just say what I did the other day,” He still meant it, but he wasn’t quite sure if Flounder understood. “Uhm, you said you didn’t want to fall in love with me, right? Well, then don’t let yourself fall in love with me any more.” He took a deep breath, and let it out. “I’ll help you. You don’t ever have to text me, or come to my dorm, , or even talk to me ever again. Whatever makes you feel better, and just forget. You don’t have to do anything that’s having to do with me ever again.” He said, gritting his teeth , and looking at his feet.

(Source: t-i-doublegah-err)

@Flounder

i-am-not-a-guppy95:

t-i-doublegah-err:

i-am-not-a-guppy95:

Flounder giggled and pulled Tigger into the room. He took another swig of Tequila. “We sure do!” he said happily, clapping his hands. “You’re talking to the heir to the British throne, you know!” He shut the door and took another swig of tequila, chasing it with a drag from his joint. “Bet you didn’t know that’s who I am, huh?” he asked dopily, swaying a bit before he plopped down on his bed. He pulled his feet up to sit indian style in the center and watched Tigger. “I donnut think dat eez wwaaat yoou want to talk ‘bout, though…” he slurred, hiccuping at the end of the sentence. The fact that he was this at ease with Tigger was proof that the Tequila was working.

Tigger had a confused look on his face as Flounder drunkenly pulled him in, acting like an idiot. “Maybe this isn’t a good time… your majesty?” He watched the older boy in despair, and his eyebrow raised. “You wanna talk about it later? You don’t seem very… well.” He said, playing with his fingers.

Flounder laughed as Tigger stood before him nervously. “I’m perfect!” he chirped, reaching for his bottle and toppling over off the bed. “Anything I say now I mean!” he said, and it was the truth. He may have been drunk, but it only acted as a barrier for his feelings. He still was himself, he still knew what he wanted. He just didn’t grasp how grave the situation was, or how scared of it he was.

Tigger was starting to doubt if there would be any seriousness in this conversation, but he sat down anyway. “Okay. Go ahead. Talk.” He said, crossing his arms and waiting for a response. He was trying to gather up all he was going to say, which he probably should have done on the way to his dorm, but put it off until this moment.

@Flounder

i-am-not-a-guppy95:

Flounder giggled and pulled Tigger into the room. He took another swig of Tequila. “We sure do!” he said happily, clapping his hands. “You’re talking to the heir to the British throne, you know!” He shut the door and took another swig of tequila, chasing it with a drag from his joint. “Bet you didn’t know that’s who I am, huh?” he asked dopily, swaying a bit before he plopped down on his bed. He pulled his feet up to sit indian style in the center and watched Tigger. “I donnut think dat eez wwaaat yoou want to talk ‘bout, though…” he slurred, hiccuping at the end of the sentence. The fact that he was this at ease with Tigger was proof that the Tequila was working.

Tigger had a confused look on his face as Flounder drunkenly pulled him in, acting like an idiot. “Maybe this isn’t a good time… your majesty?” He watched the older boy in despair, and his eyebrow raised. “You wanna talk about it later? You don’t seem very… well.” He said, playing with his fingers.

(Source: t-i-doublegah-err)